#GOD THIS IS SO RAMBLY I APOLOGIZE
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On top of everything else that's happened in the last month or so
(girlfriend breaking up with me / me running off in the night w the friend I was supposed to be maid of honor with bc her (now ex) fiance came home drunk and scared us, while ofc we also both were in swimsuits and had like NO money or even shoes due to incredibly poor timing / Getting stuck in Dallas for TWO MONTHS longer than I meant to be due to bullshit work transfer systems (and admitedly my own inability to remember that deadlines exist) / that same friend going BACK to her shit boyfriend alone to a city 4 hours away from anyone she may call for help if things go wrong / me now no longer having a place in dallas to stay for these next 2 months bc I was SUPPOSED to stay with that friend but her bastard boyfriend doesn't want me in his house anymore bc he knows I'd tell his girlfriend to dump his ass)
I have now lost my fucking house keys.
Anyways I may or may not be way less active for a bit so this is the formal apology and explanation for that. Sorry guys, we are NOT going back to ur normally scheduled rapid fire ninja content as promised for like. A minute. Possibly. We'll see. Sometimes my own motivation wave surprises me.
Tbh it's my own fault for daring to become a fanfic author tbh. Should have known the "sorry I didn't update, my house burned down teehee <3" curse would come for my ass
#this blog will go bafk to normal eventually. as soon as I stop getting hit by bricks. and can think properly.#im going through a lot rn idk#no one look at me#chances are I will go back to normal soon but rn Im burnt out as hell and feeling it in my bones#the hyperfixation isnt healing me like it should#i wanna go back to chicago so bad oh my god#im staying in my parents house for now on my days off and it looks like ill have to do that for the next few months#but its the fucking worse bc that commute is like 2 fucking hours for me MINIMUM on a good day#Also I forgot how many fucking bugs live in this house and how much harder it is to convince myself to eat while living here#man.#sorry this has half turned into a vent post at this point#but also like. whatever. its my blog.#its also 1am and I get up to work in 3 hours. so.#yippie#the next 2 months are going to be wonderful for me.#im sure.#uhhhhh actual fic updates + my art commissions will probably continue as normal#mostly also bc I have hella shit half written already#i just may be quieter than usual on here / not post much au things#which have been slowing down anyways#coincidentally timing well with my girlfriend breaking up with me. but. yk.#happens to the best of us.#anyways stay tuned for fic updates but yeah fewer au posts and art probably#apology also to those sending me asks I really do want to answer#but fatigue and depression has placed its cold hands on the back of my neck which makes me hesitate to do much here#anyways.#birds rambles#should I tag this vent I feel like I should just in case someone has that tag blocked and wouldnt wanna see this#just in case#vent
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He is just too precious for this world. 🤍


#wind breaker#shuhei suzuri#my precious adorable baby#i swear i could write a thesis about him#(if i were good at writing and not suffering with my real thesis)#i had a shitty week last week so#he is my way of coping#he's one of the best characters in wb imo#i love how nii-sensei was able to capture suzuri's context and how it impacted his behavior#i feel that he tried to talk about this issue (which really happens in reality) from an informed point of view#as if trying to explain rather than justify (this is a big difference)#he framed suzuri not as good (it was all a result of his context) or bad (it was only his decisions)#but as human (a complex interaction of context and individual aspects of oneself)#and even considered the difference in the experiences#(i especially find it beautiful when tsubaki apologizes to suzuri for speaking without knowing hid conditions)#god i love tsubaki's fight against suzuri so much (i think I could say it's my favorite)#sorry for my rambling#i don't even know if it makes sense
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love normal daytime yearning that’s like i need to share so much joy and happiness so i can love this life with another person☺️ and then nighttime yearning comes in with its haunted ass voice echoing in your head like i NEED to love someone so much that it gives me a reason to save myself
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#sorry is this normal or Too Much™️#?#it’s like yearnings fun and nice and soft but also it’s a matter of life and death do you understand#idk if you know you know i guess#also god im sorry im SORRY i know#i KNOW that there’s so many notifications i have to get through#and i said i would and i DIDNT#im awful im sorry in just exhausted lately#like im barely even managing the bare minimum with my irl notifications right now#i swear i’ll get to them it’s just So Much#all the bubbles are haunting me🫠#im very sorry i’ll get around theyre just So Much for me sometimes#i always get so stressed posting when i KNOW there are unanswered things in my inboxes#so i apologize if that’s you just give me a bit more time my brain and energy are dumb#but i’ll do my best to get to you!#also sorry for all that rambling its another 5am no sleep kinda night😪#🍪 <- apology cookie
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Alrighty. I hate saying this, but. I'm probably going to delete the ship discourse asks in my inbox. Too many in there now and my mind is too clear to want to answer them
I think we've all been harsh with each other recently. Shouldn't have had to sleep on that, shouldn't have taken me longer than a few minutes to realize that, but idk. I went to bed last night and woke up this morning and... remembered how old I am and that I have better things to care about lol. But seriously, this recent update has really gotten to people's heads, mine included unfortunately, so I think we all need to take a step back and reevaluate ourselves
To try to explain (not excuse) myself personally. I, my friends and acquaintances, and our little fan community have gotten so much harassment for so long that now that the story is sort of tipping in our favor, I felt... vindicated. TOO vindicated this time around lol. For years and years now we have all been viciously mocked, shunned, called misogynists, called abuse apologists, we've been told to kill ourselves, we've been told bad things should happen to our loved ones. I couldn't help but feel smug when episodes 7 and 8 dropped, and then episodes 9 and 10 pushed me into being legitimately petty and mean. Like, all of this harassment was already pointless, now it's even more pointless because BxA is canon. Sore winner, "they hated Jesus because he told the truth" type shit lol
But... That's dumb. All of this is dumb. They're just video game characters. I'm an adult with adult responsibilities lol. None of this is worth getting bent out of shape about, on any side. Nothing wrong with respectful conversation and debate, but it hasn't really been that this time around. It's been gloating. Teabagging. And that's not cool. So I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone with anything I've said. I'm happy about Eternalberry but I've gotten TOO happy haha. I've regained mental clarity and thus the realization that I've started becoming part of the problem. I'm genuinely sorry for that. I want to go back to regular dork levels. Being spiteful and petty sucks, even if it's "justified"
Since I feel bad for leaving those asks awaiting deletion, A) mea culpa mea maxima culpa to those who sent them, nothing against any of you I just want to put the discourse to rest, and B) they all more or less say the same things so I'll just go ahead and bullet point my responses:
TikTok is perhaps the worst social media app ever created, it is an actual blight on society to almost biblical proportions, you are a fool if you listen to anything anyone has to say on there, your first mistake was going there in the first place, Tiktok Delenda Est
Twitter is definitely the worst social media app ever created, it is a blight on society that John meant to record in the Book of Revelation but didn't know how to describe it properly because the internet didn't exist 2000-ish years ago, you are a fool if you listen to anything anyone has to say on there, your first mistake was going there in the first place, Twitter Delenda Est, let's all point and laugh at the Trump-Musk divorce instead
Hero/villain ships are as old as human civilization and fandom nerds today have gotten really uptight about them, it's dumb and honestly really bizarre considering how prevalent it is in almost every piece of media, if someone doesn't like the trope that's perfectly fine it's not for everyone it does get pretty dark but a lot of people seem to put on gestapo uniforms when they're brought up now and it's a waste of time and energy. No one is holding a gun to your heads you guys, you don't need to do it to anyone yourselves
It's nice that I've apparently managed to convince some people to be more open-minded about BxA and hero/villain shipping as a whole, welcome to the club glad to have you, I'm sorry you've had to see some of us do our "obnoxious clown" routine recently, don't worry I'm washing my makeup off rn
I'm disappointed but unsurprised that BxA fans have been getting death threats in places, unfortunately that's how it's always been and it will continue to be that way even if all 5 pairs marry and have sex onscreen. No amount of canonizing in the narrative will change some people's minds. No amount of reasoning or olive branches will make them realize how ridiculous they are. Just have to accept it and ignore them
Cookie Run Kingdom is Baby's First Fandom for a lot of people, and a lot of them are actual, literal children, so all the black and white thinking and lack of understanding and respect makes sense, sadly. This is why I put my age in my blog description haha
Rule of thumb for me personally is to just block people who post hate in ship tags tbh. Spare us both the trouble. I've only responded to one post ever, and it was because the person was asking an honest question in a reasonable way so I thought it was fine to engage. I'd rather not engage people who want to attack and not actually talk. Blocking does us both a favor, I don't have to see meaningless hate on my dash and in tags I follow and they don't have to see content about ships they don't like from me. Win-win
Now, with all that said, I want to say some things I've said before, but would like to reiterate loudly and clearly one more time:
You do not have to like Beast x Ancient. It's perfectly fine and reasonable if you don't. It's not for everyone. Whatever your reasons are, I believe and accept them. I post about them a lot because I love them a lot, and I like talking about things I like. I do my best to tag properly so my weirdo babble is easier to filter out. My posts are more or less just preaching to the choir, I think lol. It's fine if you don't like that, it's fine if you don't like BurningCheese or Eternalberry, it's fine if you don't like Beast x Ancient. I am not your mortal enemy if you don't like them. I'm happy to talk to and be friends with people who don't. I already do so often haha
Furthermore, I want you all to know that no matter what I say about ships I don't like, I don't care if you do like them. I am not out to get you for liking things I don't. Which dolls you decide you like to make kiss is not my problem. I am not your mother, I am not your dictator, I am not God. My opinions are just that, no one is obligated to listen to me or take anything I say to heart. Yes, there are ships I legitimately hate with a passion, but I do not hate the people who like them. Not at all. That's a stupid thing to dislike someone for. I talk to and am friends with lots of people who like things I don't, both on here and irl. The world gets really lonely really fast if you refuse to engage with people who don't march lockstep with you. Especially with regards to fucking Cookie Run lol
Let's all give this nonsense a rest now. This is dumb. I'm dumb. We're all dumb. Let's stop being dumb. I'm happy to coexist peacefully with others. We'll all live happier lives focusing more on things we love than things we hate
#something else I'll say. no matter how much I might dislike a ship. I'm willing to acknowledge good art and writing for it#i cannot stand hollyt4ya but I've read a couple of good fics about it and have liked fanart on here just because they really were that good#I'm able and willing to appreciate things on their own merits. even if the subject matter isn't one I personally care for#i think it would help a lot of people to adopt that mindset haha#but yeah regardless. I've been a jerk the past few days and I really am sorry#i FEEL like a jerk lol. and i feel stupid. I'm better than this and so are all of you#sincere apologies to everyone for being so obnoxious. I'm washing my clown makeup off#keeping in line with this I'd really appreciate if people didn't send me asks about ship discourse anymore#you're welcome to ask my opinions on ships but I don't want to engage in full blown discourse. I'm tired#i'll keep my responses clean and crisp if prompted but that's it. no more rambling. rambling is for good and happy things#I'm happy to hear from people. I'm touched people care what i have to say. i didn't really have that for most of my life#I'm not really used to people actually... talking to me and listening to me#but I'd rather talk and listen about nicer things from now on if it's all the same to you guys#anyway I'm gonna go hang out with my SO and my dog lol. and work on the time travel AU draft#gave myself a deadline of Sunday evening to force myself to be more productive about it#been sitting on that story for too long. I'm dying to tell it#y'all have a nice day. god bless you. no matter who you are or what you like#cookie run kingdom#beast x ancient
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We're not so different, you and I
Judged by the inexplicable magics at our cores
Or by how we strayed from the paths laid out for us
To live our own lives, and tell our own tales
I can only hope now that yours
Leads to a happier end than mine
((Wolf belongs to @bunnieswithknives))
#My blood sugar is currently 70 and that's an improvement on how it's been#I have drank apple juice it just refuses to go up anymore#So apologies if I'm more incoherent than usual#Fop#Fop oc#fop a new wish#fopanw#fairly oddparents#Fairly oddparents a new wish#Art#My art#Sketch#I wanted to spend more time on this but the blood sugar thing is causing issues so#I'll draw wolf for real in the future I promise I love them <3#Bramble is drawn to Wolf because of their twin god kids and her anxiety wanting to make sure they're both human#Even though she knows they don't do the changeling thing anymore#She just wants to make sure#She misses her own sister :(#I'm rambling#It's the blood sugar lmao#I should get more apple juice#Anywaysssss#Was this an excuse to draw puppy wolf? Maybe#Fop oc wolf#Fop oc bramble
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Okay, cod musical thoughts (not musical au, but an actual mw2 ‘22 musical lmao)
I remember seeing/reading a quote about musical theater one time where it said something to the effect “characters on stage sing when the emotion gets too much to just speak” and just. The themes you can work with just from that alone.
The first time the audience is introduced to ghost, it’s everyone else talking/singing about him. Rumors flying, wildly exaggerated stories, the works. There’s almost this wild, frenetic energy in the characters as they stage-whisper like he’s going to appear out of nowhere.
But as soon as he does show up on stage, all music cuts. No singing. No instruments. Dead silence.
Until Soap appears. Then it’s all brash, upbeat tempo and overwhelming music. Which clearly is at odds with ghost’s whole thing.
And the no music/no singing rule extends through most of the numbers. Ghost never engages with the music, diagetically or non diagetically. He’s entirely separate from that entire world. He’s keeping himself emotionally distant from that entire world.
At least, up until the act 1 finale and the graves betrayal.
Act 2 starts with just soap, not even singing. Until ghost makes contact and they start their banter. And the audience doesnt really notice until partway through that there’s another voice. It’s quiet, and almost impossible to hear, but it’s there. Ghost is singing harmony. He’s reaching out for the very first time.
It culminates in their meeting at the church where the two of them sing a duet (and, in my head, singing each other’s leitmotifs because I’m a ghoap girlie first and a human second).
Ghost’s only solo is that moment on top of the building in Chicago. Time stops, and it’s just him and the audience. And he bares his fucking *soul* to them. The walls are gone. Emotion is overflowing.
He takes the shot and the music cuts. Silence.
“Perfect shot, lt.”
It swells back.
“You called it sergeant.”
#ghostsoap#soapghost#call of duty modern warfare#cod mwii#cod mw2#I have thoughts and emotions and feelings about this#I apologize for the rambling I’m half asleep and lacking caffeine but I needed to get this out of my brain#I have more ideas for the price and gaz half of the story#as well as Alejandro and Rudy and Valeria#god the confrontation with Valeria acting like a sparring match#MMMMMM so many ideas#Activision please make cod a musical and let ghoap fuck nasty#I know you want to
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Since Grace is the only one without FTEs at the moment by virtue of the fact that she just camps out in her room and any perceived attempts at invasion (socialising) are met with aggression (which, fun fact, is actually very identical to the territorial behaviour of rabbits btw), a lot about her remains unknown compared to the rest. However, from the small glimpses we get about her experiences in her industry, she definitely faced a shit-ton of misogyny in what is most likely a very male dominated field-- which Wolfgang actually points out.
Unfortunately he's not that wrong (and I actually kinda hate how I thought the EXACT same thing 💀). From everything I could find, golf is typically a more male dominated field, with women being way in the minority. I don't doubt at all she struggled to hell and back to climb the ranks to the where she is now, dealing with a lot violence due to jealousy and sexism like she implies to boot as well. It gives a different context to her personality in the killing game. She's loud and aggressive and quick to resort to violence. Compared to other women in our cast, she's undeniably the most volatile and dominating and hostile of them all, and I wonder if that's because it's the only way she was able to survive in her industry, let alone thrive enough to claim the title of "Ultimate Golfer" while being a woman at such a young age. The competitiveness and defensiveness she needs to stay afloat in her profession she seems to allow to bleed into her personal life as well, and I really wanna see that explored more.
#project eden's garden#p:eg#p:eg spoilers#grace madison#GIVE US HER FTES YOU CAN'T HOLD OUT ON ME LIKE THIS AHHHHHHHH#late night grace madison thoughts don't mind me#from her echo art she seems to have been a quite rowdy and delinquent kid?#i'm SO curious about her backstory and her parents?? when did she start her profession anyway??#this woman is only 20 and i imagine it took quite a while to get to where she is now#i try to have have no hope on anyone surviving this game however i'm praying she makes it past chapter 2 at least#i swear to god if we get her ftes in chapter 2 only for her to fucking die i will freak the fuck out like NO#apologies for any typos it's just really late lol#momento rambles
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Noticing that TV and film will often have a character either have had an abortion in the past that isn't showcased on screen (and just used as part of the character's ~fucked up and twisted backstory~) OR contemplate getting an abortion in the present day but not to through with it. Just once I want to see someone delete that fetus within the events of the plot and not be like. Extremely majorly punished for it and/or be in the wrong
#ramblings of a lunatic#was watching a tv show w the fam recently and it's the 2nd series of a show that was clearly written with only 1 in mind#so in the 2nd season a character gets pregnant (bc ofc) and contemplates getting an abortion#only to do the whole 'omg she thinks she's lost the baby and realizes she wanted to keep it all along!'#which like. fine and valid and happens to ppl irl I'm sure#but like. this season doesn't establish if she wanted kids prior or if she has a stable job (she was struggling career wise-#-last season and the timeskip this season doesn't go into it)#AND has this fucking bizarre scene w/ her boyfriend (whos mostly been irrelevant and occasionally annoying up til now)#where he says it's 'our pregnancy' that she was going to terminate and when she (rightfully) bites back-#-saying 'you mean MY pregnancy?!' he just. storms off and deflects#which would be one thing but we have to wrap up the main plot so she just apologizes to him (for other plot stuff)#and we're never given any indication that his opinion has changed and they're just happily parenting at the end of the season#which just. left a bad taste in my mouth#like I KNOW i know not every bad thing said on screen needs a big blinking arrow that points out that it's Bad and Wrong#but idk how I'm supposed to feel in a series that has painted itself as explicitly feminist up til this point#presents the outcome of a woman dating and bearing a child for a man w seemingly zero respect for her bodily autonomy as happily ever after#w no follow up#like the whole series is centered on a group of sisters and this pregnancy story happened to the youngest one#who's always seen as needing to 'grow up' in season 1. so assuming this is meant to be building off that arc it's so WEIRD still#bc yes being a parent is an opportunity for many ppl to mature emotionally but that's not really something the character-#-reflects on all season. it's more abt her burying her past relationship w a season 1 guy (who was infinitely more interesting than new guy)#-than anything to do with that#AND EVEN IF IT WAS the notion of pregnancy as a punishment/reckoning meant to make her grow up or take responsibility-#-which is secretly a blessing in disguise i. god the show fell apart so hard here for me#and my mom and sister were just cooing over the baby at the end and i didn't speak up bc i didn't want to be a bitch#and in all fairness I'm probably being a tad uncharitable in this post but like. don't piss me OFF man#anyway. normalise abortion storylines that aren't backstory fodder and aren't fakeouts for baby plots. please
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"tour of duty" (the filmed version of their 2002 tour) in general is just kind of a bizarre point for kids in the hall that i haven't really talked to any of them about but is hard not to notice when you look at their entire canon. like it's certainly good - there are some tour-original sketches that i highly enjoy and some live versions of filmed sketches that take a fun creative spin on it, but in general things just feel noticeably strange.
buddy cole specifically tells the fur trappers to "fuck off" (buddy very rarely swears and across all the buddy material i've watched for the documentary he's only said "fuck" 3 times across forty years). danny husk wins an award for being a high school vice principal and at&love isn't acknowledged in the bit. the "is he?" sketch has been revised to pack in as many euphemisms for gay as possible, putting the bit on top of another bit. and of course i have my chicken lady thoughts but i don't want to bias anyone else bc i genuinely want to know what your takes are before i share mine.
and again these aren't all bad choices - i think the danny husk vice principal monologue works really well and may not work as well as a different character despite contradicting the Husk Lore™️. but they're all very distinctive choices
idk there's two reasons i personally give for why tour of duty is so strange (to me at least, maybe other people don't notice). the first is that it comes less than 3 years after their other tour-film, the 1999/2000 tour "same guys new dresses" (also available on youtube!) i fucking love SGND and i'll be up front that it's my preferred kith tour video. but part of what makes SGND so special is that it's not just a recording of the live show, it's a full tour documentary following the guys traveling across the country performing together, occasionally showing full sketches but also delving into the stories behind why the sketches played out the way they did. and, sure, sometimes that means cutting out a sketch that i wish i could've seen in full (rip power of the suburbs) but my life is so much better for having seen the "laser eye surgery gossip" or knowing how much drama that goddamn robot-dog-prop caused.
so to then see tour of duty as a straight-up recording of the live show leaves that element of mystery, that we don't get to know why choices were made because we only see the end result. there was a conscious decision not to shoot tour of duty like SGND - the tour doc didn't do well financially, and they also had more of a reason to document that tour since it was their first time working together since the disastrous fallout of "brain candy," and first big national tour since the show ended. the circumstances were just very different
and that's true both personally and politically bc the second suspected reason for tour of duty's weird tone is you can obviously tell 9/11 just happened. two sketches directly reference it - bruce and mark's businessman characters sell scam patriotic products that are all just a rubber band, and buddy cole visits the middle east and ends up having sex with saddam hussein (tho fun fact this concept was written BEFORE 9/11). but the event casts an obvious shadow, especially since both the buddy cole bit and the danny husk monologue were recycled pieces from scott's cancelled one-man-show which was set to debut in new york city on september 19th 2001.
it's also interesting comparing this to SGND. the late 90s are often remembered through rose-tinted glasses due to a generally good economy in the united states and a lot of the social tensions with disenfranchised groups still bubbling under the surface rather than being talked about openly. SGND doesn't reference contemporary events much, but the closure of AT&Love from the KITH finale is undone since the economy has re-entered "rock-on fashion," and buddy cole comments on the Y2K computer bug being underwhelming. (i also went on a super long tangent on how the original show reflected the socioeconomic climate of the 90s but that's a whole other topic i need to go to bed)
i don't know how the KITH feel about "tour of duty." i can't know how much this strangeness was felt for them backstage, and i think in some regards it can only be picked up on as an outsider, albeit an outsider who has watched so much KITH content to know how their work evolved even when not on television. all in all, i'm glad "tour of duty" exists and even the swings that didn't really land for me are still admirable as creative choices.
it's also cool to analyze as someone who has now been to a KITH live show over 2 decades later and got to see those behind-the-scenes conversations play out. the bellini benefit also featured a lot of strangeness, caused by a limited rehearsal schedule and one of the cast members being unable to attend due to illness, but they absolutely exceeded these limitations to put on a very fun show. we did film the performance and rehearsals and that show is going to be released eventually (i'm not in charge of it but the person who is also works on the buddy cole doc so i'm involved). i don't know if it's going to be presented more like SGND or tour of duty or something completely different, but it'll be cool to be part of KITH live show canon
#oh my GOD i didn't expect this to be a whole essay i'm so sorry i got rambly lmao#i literally deleted a whole tangent about the original show's reflection of the 90s socioeconomic climate#and i could probably write a WHOLE SEPARATE ESSAY just on the danny husk vice principal bit bc it's fascinating how it changed#but y'know apologies if there's typos since it IS 3am. but i'm very happy to now have the free time to write essays for fun again#idk how many people actually read them but that's not the point it's to practice my media analysis skills and get thoughts outta my brain#i just graduated with a bachelors of fine arts degree in comedic arts let me apply these skills lmao#time for a jessay#kids in the hall#scott thompson#kith#paul bellini#buddy cole#bruce mcculloch#dave foley#90s vintage#mark mckinney#kevin mcdonald#the kids in the hall#tour of duty#same guys new dresses
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Happy aromantic awareness week! Kaeya probably thought “this ‘not falling for the enemy’ spy shit is easy, I know so many Mondstadters but have zero romantic feelings for any of them” before he realized “oh no, I still care about them a lot platonically and don’t want them to be hurt” and later went “good thing I’ve surrounded myself with people who are all sworn to protect Mond. Diluc even tried to kill me before, so there’s my contingency plan!”
#this is just an excuse for me to kaeyapost. my apologies to all of you.#TO BE CLEAR DILUC IS NOT GOING TO ATTEMPT FRATRICIDE AGAIN#time canonically passes in genshin so it’s been likeeeee almost ten years since that day. he’s not that person anymore.#but anyway I think a lot about how like. his brother is mond’s vigilante protector. his best friend is the acting grandmaster of the#knights. his drinking buddy/friend is an assassin I’m pretty sure. he’s hung out with mondstadt’s god before.#rambles#mine#kaeya alberich
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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Oh damn I just realized I'm going to have to deal with being nonbinary at work IN PERSON for the first time
#like at my olds jobs i was closeted and could mostly pass as a woman#by the time i got my job at the contact center i was a lot more visibly trans but i still didnt want to be out at work#so i just didnt talk about it and let people assume whatever and use whatever pronouns#then we went wfh and that became a lot easier#when i got this promotion tho i accidentally came out as nonbinary? and everyone has been cool and accepting#but these will be whole new people that im working with. i dont know what any of their views will be#and unless i want to intentionally go back into the closet i will have to like. address my gender in person#and i feel like theres a big difference between having my pronouns in zoom/teams and having people mostly use them#but occasionally slip up and then message me on the side to apologize#and never really having to interact with them in a way that would require them to use my pronouns outside of that#and like... having to fucking like. personally introduce my pronouns and potentially be subjected to peoples confusion irl#and having much more chances for people to slip up around me#and a much less private channel for them to do the song and dance they feel obligated to do when they mess up despite me reassuring them#like what. am i supposed to wear a pronoun pin? those things are ineffective and a little cliche and i dont want to wear one anyway#i guess i can just go back to not talking about it and letting people assume whatever but thatll be even more confusing now#(and would probably invite even more uncomfortable song and dancing now that im actually out and people can get it 'wrong'#instead of just seeing it as respecting my privacy)#i cant pass as a woman anymore. theoretically i could maybe pretend to be a trans guy? but that makes me equally dysphoric#god. whats the bathroom situation gonna be like. bc i get weird looks no matter which one i go in now. will they have a gender neutral one?#maybe itll all be fine and im worried about nothing but. man am i worried 😭#rambling
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Love love love treating this place as my personal diary and totally ignoring the fact that literally everyone can see this
#its performance art#or something#oh god you fuckers cone here for comics and get the dying rambles of a rotting college student i do apologize#you cant get art without the person behind them idc#i will not be made into a Content Creator i am a PERSON#this is only half genuine dw#love u guys ur so sweet none of u have ever been mean or demanding 🫶 /gen#im just upset at the general overall treatmenr artists are getting on social media#like damn#art factory treatment fr???
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Need to get out of my art funk. Mutuals only please leave a like if you are ok with me drawing your OC! I will choose a random one (and not every one will be chosen sorry!)
A heads up in advance this will take me a long time to do because I am a slow drawer :-) (I am using voice to text because my hands are covered in medication why is that the face they chose?)
#some spots have been auto reserved already by me since there are certain ocs I wanna draw and I know they are OK with that#at least… I think so#so Ein or Nimo if you see the no need to leave#everyone else please leave like to let me know you are OK with me maybe drawing your OC#butter rambles#oh my God this post is so hard to do with voice to text#even my tags are written with voice to text and then edit it with my pinky#I have also reserved some spots for a Discord friend so there limited spot apologies
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i talked about this yesterday with friends, but man, one thing i really love about writing is the plotting bit. like, chatting together about possible things our characters could do, what they would say &. a whole conversation starting from that one single sentence. exploring different timelines, all of it is such a big, &. fun part for me personally what it comes to this hobby. ✨
#☼ ⊰ ooc. › deax rambles. ❜#and like those things can be pinned & explored via thread when an opportunity comes#it is all so much fun genuinely#i also love getting more familiar with characters i might not know initially: like you have an oc??? TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT#because that is the only way i can drink in the “media” of them#there is this character i do not yet know but you think would be perfect for either of my muses? TELL ME MORE#& ofc we all know what a sucker i am always to talk about xiv characters like each & every one of them i have endless rants about#(for that i apologize. you guys are the gods strongest soldiers for enduring me)
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Lost is one of those shows that ask the important questions, like “Would you kill baby Hitler?” and answers that with a resounding “Yes.”
#the true answer is ‘yes but it doesn’t matter anyway’ but just ‘yes’ is funnier#sayid shooting baby Ben is so funny to me#like. he’s TWELVE#and being openly abused by his father#but you shoot his ass anyway#I say this as someone who’s favorite characters are literally Sayid and Ben#I have so many many feelings and opinions about He’s Our You but I can’t even begin to get into them#maybe I’ll write a post about it#but anyways sayid shooting 12 y/o Ben feels out of character even tho they try very hard to justify it it still is shocking#and sends sayid’s character on a downward spiral that he never escapes from#and ends in him exploding himself to save everyone else#literally becoming the one of the only characters without a finalized arc#like. At least Ben apologizes to Locke at the end of the show#Sayid gets NOTHING =(((((( after talking for Seasons about how he wants to change. wants to be better. AND THEN HE DIES#god I’m rambling whoops#anyway#I blab#lost#lost tv show#lost tv#ben linus#sayid jarrah#lost tv series
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